Whatever the reason is I'm writing it now, documenting it because I know one day I will forget.
Coming from a selfish, shallow, materialistic, and whiney person like me all the things I'm going to say are all true... of course in my own experience.
When I first learned I'm pregnant I was not overjoyed in fact I cried my self to sleep that night worrying. I worried on so many things. A person who already crosses the bridge even before she gets there, that's me. My thoughts that time was, what about India? What will happen to our travel plans? We will no longer be a dink!!! But my greatest worry is how will I ever raise a child when sometimes my husband is still raising me. I don't have a mother material in me.
The God is again joking us.
Fast forward to now and to right at this minute, I am exhausted. Exhausted for carrying a sick baby whole day. Tired for trying to understand what she wants or needs. To say that you have a terror teacher or a terrible boss are nothing compared to having a teething, sick toddler.
I'm tired. All I want is to sleep for 10 hours straight. To pee alone or if not to pee without someone crying because you left the room.
Motherhood is a hard work, you can't even take a sick leave. Motherhood is painful especially when your child stick out her tongue on you when you asked her where she is going and that she must come back to bed now. It's a lot more painful when you break up with your boyfriend. Or when the guy you like back in your college said that he loves you like his sister. Motherhood takes a lot of patience. Motherhood will stop or cease your plans.
Motherhood is a gift that not all women are given. It's a BLISS that no amount of travels can give. No LV bag or Hermes can surpass.
I worried before that I can no longer travel once we have a baby but look at me now, I have been traveling with my baby ever since she was 3 months old and living bicoastal. At 18 months she has been to numerous plane rides and 3 different countries. I have traveled with her to Manila and next month she will travel to my fathers province in Leyte. And in 2 months we will bring her to my favourite island in Cebu, Camotes. Yes, it's not yet India but one day we will get there. One day the 3 of us will travel to Bali and will see the Angkor Wat. Traveling with a baby is a lot more fun and adventure, who needs Lonely planet when your itinerary and schedule will depend on your baby's schedule?
My 2 cents on motherhood.
If you think that you're not cut to be a mother, look at me now. I have survived 18 months and my baby is still breathing. This only means that I know how to raise a baby after all. Don't be too hard on yourself, there's nothing perfect in life so as motherhood. Life is about making mistakes and learning from your mistakes, right? And sometimes all the baby need is a mother's hug.
Sure, motherhood is hard but it's hard with a million of happiness too. I tell you, there's no pain, sleepless night that can't be cured with your child's smile, or when she pull your hair so she can kiss you, or say abu ( i love you) mommy. Your heart will melt into million pieces every time you will hear them say "Mama".
Pain, hardship? Bring it on.
Indigo at few days old
At 9 months.
at 4 months.
"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for." - Unknown