As they said, it's better late than never.
Why do I want to write Indigo's birth story? Because I want to have something to look back- to read when the time comes that I'll forget about it. Because I want my Indigo to read it someday, how she was born. And how she made her parents so happy. Because I want to remember how that ordinary day for other people become so special for me and for my DH. Because I want to remember every bits and pieces that happened on that day. I want to remember all the sound, every emotion. Maybe it's because of the unexplainable joy I felt. Maybe it's hunger of wanting to hold my Indigo. Or the longing and sadness that's growing inside of me that only her can fill up. Maybe all these are the reasons why 3 months later I finally have the courage and time to write this. Courage because I wouldn't know how long I can keep on writing, because just the mere fact of how to start this makes my cry.
But I will try. And so here it is.
It was early in January when we learned I was conceiving. We just got back from our holiday trip in Cebu, on the plane ride back here I was sick. I wanted to through up and the next day I was supposed to report to work but I didn't because I was so sick and was too tired to get up. I remembered while I was in Cebu I had to be absent on a reception dinner for my friend's wedding because I was too tired to come to her place even it was just 10 minutes away from my place (no, it wasn't the 6 a.m. wedding mass is the culprit of my sudden tiredness on that day, that later I found out). Moving on, I get back to work and go back to my day-to-day routine and part of it is running. Yes, girls and boys I run for 10 kilometers without me knowing that a tiny little baby is already forming inside me. Days passed I still get sick on and off, I bought pregnancy test kit, visit to the doctor who double confirmed that I was indeed pregnant.
In the middle of my pregnancy I didn't know that I was anemic. I only learned about it when I had my routine check-up with my beautiful, helpful doctor in Cebu. Good thing I didn't have to go blood transfusion but I have to underwent 3 vials of injections to increase my blood level, which by the way up to now the bruises of that injections still remain.
Anyway, my doctor is pretty amazing. She helps me with advice on what's not and what to do when the perfect time comes. She was there all the way for me, never leave my side when I go through that 6++ hours of tedious, unbearable labour.
I remember it was Thursday morning, I was awaken of my desire to pee. And when I get up I feel something liquid came out. Then I know it was time. I didn't go panicky. I went outside of our house go for some walks. Pack the rest of my stuff to bring to the hospital, take a bath and put on some make-up. Went to the hospital in the most leisurely time we got (meaning my cousin never drive in a hazard mode).
I arrived in the hospital around 10 a.m. on a Thursday morning, August 26. I was wearing a printed purple dress with PINK lipstick. It was around 11 a.m. when doctors confirmed that I'm for admittance, I remembered they first put me in labour ROOM 1 and later was transferred to ROOM 2. And right when I stepped out of ROOM 1 I heard a nurse asking her fellow nurse, "Is she on labour already?" Maybe because I wasn't screaming yet, maybe because I was still all make-up and doesn't look so haggard yet.
Around 2 o'clock plus I started feeling terrible pain, it become stronger and unbearable. It was then that all the screaming, cursing started. I remembered that in the middle of my unbearable situation my doctor asked me if I want epidurals. I asked her back how much is the epidurals (ha-ha believe me in the middle of that all I still have to asked how much?!) But I decide not to have epidural at all, not because it's expensive but because I want to feel it all. I want to drink all the pain and troubles of bringing my Indigo to this world minus the pain relievers. I was thinking, whatever bitch, bring on all the pain and I will handle it. I will have this baby in the most natural way. And having that decision made the birth of my Indigo more special. I felt all the pain and genuine joy after not druggy.
I remembered when I first saw her face when she finally came out of me at exactly 7:47 p.m. Wow, this little one came out of me. Live inside me for the past nine months! She is beautiful, she is pink, and she have her daddy's curls. She is perfectly beautiful, 6 pounds, 4 ounces! She is my baby. She came out of me! I remembered when I first hold her and let her drink some milk on me, I kissed her. I hold her tiny, fragile body so tightly. I didn't want to give her back to the nurse.
I remembered the look of my DH when I first saw his face when I was transferred to my room to get a proper rest. His face was a face of a happy father, contented and eager to have his wife and daughter in his arms. He was at peace, all his fears was finally put to rest.
I don't know what else to say. You wouldn't know how I felt unless you are a mother too. The happiness I felt on that day of August 26 is unmeasurable. And now 3 months after I'm still drinking of that happiness that day brings. It has been 3 months now but the bruises and marks that I had on that wonderful pregnancy is still clearly visible. And sometimes I caught myself touching my stomach feeling like she was still inside me. Tracing the linea-negra that up to now is still clearly visible and secretly hoping that it would still stay there for a longer time because that is my sign and connection that for 9 months in my life I was carrying my Indigo with me and she was part of me. She is mine and no amount of words I can say how much I love her.